Becoming Xanadu

A Memoir of Love, Service, and the Life We Built

On her nineteenth wedding anniversary, TheGirl Star knelt naked on her living room floor and asked her husband to be her Dominant for a weekend.

She wanted the romance and passion back. After a first marriage in which control had been taken from her, she was asking a man she trusted to accept the surrender she chose.

But the journey to that moment began decades earlier, at a kitchen table where an eleven-year-old girl discovered what it meant to feel welcome. It carried her through a marriage that diminished her, an unexpected love, and a public scandal that exposed private heartbreak.

Becoming Xanadu explores how consensual BDSM, chosen submission, and service deepened intimacy within a long marriage—and how a lifelong longing for belonging helped inspire a community.

Candid, intimate, and sometimes funny, this is a memoir of love, family, loss, and the courage to ask for more. It is also the story of a woman learning to create for others the welcome she had spent her life searching for.